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Where the hell have you been????

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Hello, it's me
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time's supposed to heal ya
But I ain't done much healing ~Adele
So, it’s been 2 ½ years since my last post.  It has been terribly rough, confusing, overwhelming time with constant worry and anxiety.  Nice thing to say first post in so long, huh?
I think it’s going to be easiest to go through the years (probably not in perfect chronological order)…
2013 Bill never came back and my heart still hurts.  Clearly I was not “the one” for him.  He started dating someone just a few months after I had asked him to look within to find what he wanted.  He’s married now.   My heart is still in pieces.Things have always been a little chaotic in our little family, but this is when things started getting crazy.Shelby had her appendix removed in September & Knee surgery in November
2014 I dated someone for a short while, totally not my type.  I thought “maybe I need to look outside …

Ahhhhh, I'm feeling better, a little bit every day :)

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Long Road to find my way...


I'm climbing back up!!!


Take me as I am... There's a reason for everything...



I can only be me!  You can't take that from me!!!!

I'm the one you really want, but you just can't see it...



I can stand on my own, I'm magnificent!

I see the tiny light!!!!


Hold on tight!

Be Brave!!!

You can be amazing...
You can start speaking up!

Reminder, it's his loss!



Here's an extra, just because I love it!



I'm taking things one day at a time.  Sometimes, one minute at a time, but I'm making progress.  Thank you, my friends, for being there/here with me.
I love you so much!!!

Feelings and feeling them... ugh.

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This has been the soundtrack of the my last two weeks.
You’ve moved on… Never mind I’ll find someone like you…


Don't you remember? Have you even thought of me/us at all?


Please, higher power, whoever you are, take this away!  Especially today…


Not liking this visitor, not at all…


I’m feeling the feelings.I’d like them to move on, so I can.
Love & blessings my friends!

Women grieve, men replace...

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Have you heard that saying before?  I hadn't until today...
I was still hoping that he was taking time to take care of him so WE could be a WE.  
Then, my curiosity got the best of me.  I wanted to see pictures of the babies born into the family, how big the kids had grown and there it was... a picture of him and another woman.  It's not new.  He moved on months ago, like last year months ago, and he didn't even say a word.  How is it that I loved him so much I let him go to work on himself and he couldn't even say "thanks but no thanks"?
I'm not expecting answers.  I know logically I can't even hope for any.  I have spent the last year hoping my Bill blanket would appear at my door and say "I'm back! I worked on my shit, I still have work to do, but let's do the rest together!"  HOLY SHIT!  Am I that fucking crazy!   O M G!!!!
I have had crazy wonderful support.  My friends, even when I know they want to smack me, say "I told you s…
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It's been a while.  
I'm having a hard time, missing people I shouldn't miss, feeling lonely.
Trying to take better care of myself and my Shelby G.

Saw this on my walk today.


A heart in a tree :)
It gave me a little peace and a bit of hope.

Going to keep taking care of me, Shelby & the pooches and live my life...

Peace, love & blessings my friends!
I love you!

Obsessive thinking on May 31st...

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Disclaimer: This post is not directed toward a specific person or persons. This is just shit that plays in my obsessive thinking pea brain and I’m hoping writing it down will alleviate some of the pressure and make room for more rainbows & unicorns!
Random thoughts that have been running through my mind lately:
When someone says “What a fucking shit day” – it isn’t always a cry for help or counseling or pity. Sometimes it’s just because it’s been a fucking shit day!
Never assume that everyone grew up in the same loving or unloving, healthy or unhealthy, supportive or unsupportive environment as you.  I know this may sound silly. Okay, it probably does!  Some days I want to punch people in the face (not really, but I do get frustrated) when they pull the “your child will appreciate you when she is older, like you do your parents” advice.  Really? This is going to sound really crass, but I’m going to say it.  I was told repeatedly for as long as I can remember that I ruined my parents …

Has it really been six months????

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Random thoughts running through my mind over, and over, and over…

Stop the madness!How the heck do I do this, alone, and not give up?I’m really tiredWill I ever have someone who wants to hold my hand through all the good and bad stuff?  No, not my kid, a partner, a companion, a lover, a best friend all in one.I have MAJOR body issues.  Even after the gastric bypass surgery.Why is the state of Illinois so fucked up with regard to family law, and oh DUI laws? Why does sd & his mother hurt my sweet girl every chance they get?  Do they not understand that she is 15 and SEES this?  Fucking assholes.How can any parent do absolutely nothing to support a child (financially, emotionally or otherwise) and look in the mirror every day?Does my kid realize how much I love her? Okay, I guess I know the answer to this one… Still on bad days, I worry.Why do liars and cheaters seem to get away with so much and all the time? Why the hell do I care about bad people?  Because while I try to believe in…