Um, can I get a re-write???

Random thoughts running through my mind over, and over, and over… Stop the madness! How the heck do I do this, alone, and not give up? I’m really tired Will I ever have someone who wants to hold my hand through all the good and bad stuff?  No, not my kid, a partner, a companion, a lover, a best friend all in one. I have MAJOR body issues.  Even after the gastric bypass surgery. Why is the state of Illinois so fucked up with regard to family law, and oh DUI laws?  Why does sd & his mother hurt my sweet girl every chance they get?  Do they not understand that she is 15 and SEES this?  Fucking assholes. How can any parent do absolutely nothing to support a child (financially, emotionally or otherwise) and look in the mirror every day? Does my kid realize how much I love her? Okay, I guess I know the answer to this one… Still on bad days, I worry. Why do liars and cheaters seem to get away with so much and all the time?...

What is  s canxiety?  It's the anxious, nervous, stressed out feeling that creeps up before scan time.  I used to have to go in for a long MRI & chest x-ray every three months, then after three years I graduated to every six months for the last two years.  Tomorrow I am going to Chicago (Northwestern Memorial) for my MRI & chest x-ray.  I get the results on the 12th and if everything goes well, I should be bumped out to ANNUAL check-ups!  I had this idea in my head of how this checkup would be so different because I had someone special in my life who would hold my hand and celebrate with me.  But, he's gone away, right before the big test, and for good as far as I can tell.  I thought I had finally met Mr. Right.  The man of my dreams (okay, he snored loudly and was human), but he was my goofy man, and he made me laugh and feel safe.  This was going to be the year that we would be together and things would...