Um, can I get a re-write???

I’ve been speechless… No really. There has been so much going on, that I can barely think. Court with sd (for those not in the know that stands for sperm donor) is almost unbearable. I got a bill from my attorney that almost caused me to have a stroke. I promised Shelby I would follow through so I am. This is about her, not me. That’s all I’m going to say about that for now. Work is busy. I am grateful for my job and the fact that I’ve got more than enough work to do, so I am working overtime. Another reason that I can barely think, I’m working a lot. Dating. Hah! With all the shit going on in my life, what man would want to deal with me? I didn’t date for years because I was so afraid of sd, and now I’m feeling more empowered and he’s still making my life miserable because he’s trying to drain me emotionally, financially, mentally, in any way possible. He is not thinking about Shelby, but “beating” me. Of course, he’s not paying for the attorney, his mother is. Wait, I said I wasn’...

I am so disappointed. It's only 9 hours every other weekend. 234 hours out of the 8760 hours in a year. But, something always "comes up". Sperm donor & his mother are mean, horrible, selfish, SICK people. They do not deserve the love that Shelby gives to them. It won't be much longer before she stops trying. She's a pretty smart kid! I am so grateful for my friends who show me & Shelby what it's like to be loved unconditionally. Thank you friends! :) xo mb

Gratitude first today: Shelby! Good Friends Laughter My job Kindness from others Payday! Okay, prayers. I'm going to try very hard to not curse much (if at all). But, I'm tellin' you it's hard tonight! I've been told so many times that my sweet Shelby will figure out, on her own, what a blankety-blank her "father" is. Well, she is figuring it out and it is breaking my heart to watch her heart break! This sucks! Today, when we were scheduling her next appointment with her counselor, I reminded her that this weekend she is supposed to see her dad. That was the first sign of trouble. She said "no it isn't!" Well, it went downhill from there. She said that she didn't like her dad or grandma. They hurt her and let her down all the time and she doesn't want to see them again. I know that isn't the case. I know she loves them. I tried to change the subject. No such luck. Here are some of the things my sweet angel said: I ...

I've had enough! I got paid today, but the money is all gone. I had to pay the sitter yesterday ($120) and the mortgage and then gave $211.27 to ComEd to avoid disconnection on Monday. Tomorrow we go to the dentist. Thank goodness I have a debit card for my flexible spending! The dentist is at least an hour away, so we have plans to go to Red Robin and meet Kim, Joe & Sean there. I have money to buy us lunch, but that's it! Then, there's the shoes I have to buy Shelby because she joined Cross Country & it starts on the 24th! My next paycheck is at the end of the month and by then the car payment will be a month behind as well! I don't like saying this, but WHY ME??????? Why is it that the sperm donor can get away with living with his mother at 40, falling behind over $6,000 in support and still have money to freaking drink & smoke his life away? I'm tired of the bad stuff happening. I'm TIRED of people around me, who treat me and my child like shit,...