Um, can I get a re-write???

Random thoughts running through my mind over, and over, and over… Stop the madness! How the heck do I do this, alone, and not give up? I’m really tired Will I ever have someone who wants to hold my hand through all the good and bad stuff?  No, not my kid, a partner, a companion, a lover, a best friend all in one. I have MAJOR body issues.  Even after the gastric bypass surgery. Why is the state of Illinois so fucked up with regard to family law, and oh DUI laws?  Why does sd & his mother hurt my sweet girl every chance they get?  Do they not understand that she is 15 and SEES this?  Fucking assholes. How can any parent do absolutely nothing to support a child (financially, emotionally or otherwise) and look in the mirror every day? Does my kid realize how much I love her? Okay, I guess I know the answer to this one… Still on bad days, I worry. Why do liars and cheaters seem to get away with so much and all the time?...

Make You Feel My Love Written by Bob Dylan Covered by Adele When the rain Is blowing in your face And the whole world Is on your case I could offer you A warm embrace To make you feel my love When the evening shadows And the stars appear And there is no one there To dry your tears I could hold you For a million years To make you feel my love I know you Haven't made Your mind up yet But I would never Do you wrong I've known it From the moment That we met No doubt in my mind Where you belong I'd go hungry I'd go black and blue I'd go crawling Down the avenue Know there's nothing That I wouldn't do To make you feel my love The storms are raging On the rolling sea And on the highway of regret The winds of change Are blowing wild and free You ain't seen nothing Like me yet I could make you happy Make your dreams come true Nothing that I wouldn't do Go to the ends Of the Earth for you To make you feel my...

Hi! How are you?  I'm good, thank you. :) So, this week someone told me it was the week to ask the universe to help me manifest my dreams.  So that's what I'm gonna do along with a LOT of gratitude!!! First, gratitude (in no particular order, of course): Shelby Bill (yes we are together and I can't imagine it any other way!!) My awesome friends who support & love me & lift me up when I'm not able My job, even on the bad days Xopenex, Prednisone and Zithromax (for Shelby's "walking pneumonia") - ay yi yi!!! Patience Love Music Second chances Facebook (especially when I'm in a court ordered parenting class that is about people going through a divorce... uh, not divorced, never been married... blah blah blah - my friends helped me get through it!) Hair color Laughter Autumn Nature Indoor plumbing Good health Smiles Our sassy pooches Now, my dreams (again, in no particular order): That I am able to show those I lov...

Letting go is hard.  Yeah, stating the obvious aren't I?  Well, it is hard dammit!! I am trying to let go.  I need to let go.  In order to move on (do I want to move on?) I must let go.  I think I'm scared of allowing myself to be vulnerable again. I suppose I should work on that. Today, I am grateful for: Shelby My awesome friends Having a job I love Indoor plumbing School starts next week! Sunshine I walked over 6 miles this week! Woo hooo!   Coco has a minor tear in her ACL :( We're trying medicine first and hoping that she doesn't need surgery!! Shelby & Me today (man I need color LOL!)  Love & blessings my friends!! 

I’ve been speechless… No really. There has been so much going on, that I can barely think. Court with sd (for those not in the know that stands for sperm donor) is almost unbearable. I got a bill from my attorney that almost caused me to have a stroke. I promised Shelby I would follow through so I am. This is about her, not me. That’s all I’m going to say about that for now. Work is busy. I am grateful for my job and the fact that I’ve got more than enough work to do, so I am working overtime. Another reason that I can barely think, I’m working a lot. Dating. Hah! With all the shit going on in my life, what man would want to deal with me? I didn’t date for years because I was so afraid of sd, and now I’m feeling more empowered and he’s still making my life miserable because he’s trying to drain me emotionally, financially, mentally, in any way possible. He is not thinking about Shelby, but “beating” me. Of course, he’s not paying for the attorney, his mother is. Wait, I said I wasn’...

It sure is AND I am officially the mother of a teenager now!  YIKES!!!!! There is reall nothing to talk about... No really, not much.  So, I'll share some gratitude with you! FIVE EFFING YEARS CANCER FREE BABY!!!! Shelby Wilbur Coco My amazing friends (I love you SO very much!) Sunshine (I miss you so!) Generic Zyrtec! My job (and fantastic boss who knows nothing about this blog) Surviving over a month in the same house as a teenage girl Being able to keep on going! Speaking of going... I have dipped my toe back into the dating waters. No date(s) yet, but thinking about it. Okay, there is one thing that I would LOVE to talk (brag) about, but I can't.  All I can say is that my kid is the AWESOMEST kid and friend ever!  I'm  hoping that I will be able to elaborate sometime in the future.  But, until then, I am so proud that my daughter is BRAVE and stood up for others who couldn't stand up for themselves.  My kid's got cajones!  woot...

I am slowly starting to consider to accept that Bill may be gone for good... It's hard.  Really hard.  I know that I am going to get through this.  I've been through worse, way worse.  I know that.  It's just been a LONG time since I ever considered forever with a man, and I really thought I found the one . I'm still not sleeping well.  But I'll get there, I know that. It's Spring Break time for Shelby.  She's going with my mom for a mani-pedi tomorrow (I am so jealous!).  I'm taking Wednesday through Friday off.  My six month scans are this weekend.  Hopefully we'll have nice weather so we (me, Shelby & her friend Allie) can have a good time in Chicago after my loooooong MRI & chest x-ray.  Oh oh oh, if my results show that I'm NED, that makes FIVE YEARS! Then, I'll only have to go once a year... I can handle that.  Much easier than cancer, that's for sure! Okay, I'm going to work on finding things to be grateful...

Hi Everyone! So, it’s been a while since I posted. How have you been? First, here are the links to my latest vlog posts: Part 1  & Part 2 Something very “exciting” just happened in my kitchen. Shelby announced that she was going to make herself some eggs for dinner. The rule is she can’t use the stove or oven when I’m not home. I’m home. Everything is cool. Not so much! I hear this loud WHOOSH and turn around in time to see flames shooting out from under the pan. How did that happen? Well, Shelby thinks it’s perfectly okay to spray the non-stick spray WITH THE FRICKING BURNER ON! Yes, I freaked out! I can’t believe she did that! I mean, holy cow! Needless to say, I yelled and told her how dangerous what she did was and told her how she could’ve really gotten severely hurt. Of course, her reaction was “I’m never speaking to you again!” Yep, I’ve got a pre-teen! Lovely, huh? Let’s see, on the weight loss front – I am 16 ½ weeks post-op and am down 66.6 pounds! Pretty dar...