Um, can I get a re-write???

Disclaimer: This post is not directed toward a specific person or persons. This is just shit that plays in my obsessive thinking pea brain and I’m hoping writing it down will alleviate some of the pressure and make room for more rainbows & unicorns! Random thoughts that have been running through my mind lately: When someone says “What a fucking shit day” – it isn’t always a cry for help or counseling or pity . Sometimes it’s just because it’s been a fucking shit day! Never assume that everyone grew up in the same loving or unloving, healthy or unhealthy, supportive or unsupportive environment as you .  I know this may sound silly. Okay, it probably does!  Some days I want to punch people in the face (not really, but I do get frustrated) when they pull the “your child will appreciate you when she is older, like you do your parents” advice.  Really? This is going to sound really crass, but I’m going to say it.  I was told repeatedly for as long as I ...

Random thoughts running through my mind over, and over, and over… Stop the madness! How the heck do I do this, alone, and not give up? I’m really tired Will I ever have someone who wants to hold my hand through all the good and bad stuff?  No, not my kid, a partner, a companion, a lover, a best friend all in one. I have MAJOR body issues.  Even after the gastric bypass surgery. Why is the state of Illinois so fucked up with regard to family law, and oh DUI laws?  Why does sd & his mother hurt my sweet girl every chance they get?  Do they not understand that she is 15 and SEES this?  Fucking assholes. How can any parent do absolutely nothing to support a child (financially, emotionally or otherwise) and look in the mirror every day? Does my kid realize how much I love her? Okay, I guess I know the answer to this one… Still on bad days, I worry. Why do liars and cheaters seem to get away with so much and all the time?...

Wow, it’s been a long time!  So, let’s see, things were good, for a bit then a disappearing act, then good, then more silence, then good and planning to move in together, then I realized no matter how much I gave and gave, he was never going to give me what I deserved.  I packed up all of his and his daughter’s things that they left at our house into one bag and wrote a long letter saying goodbye to my Bill blanket.  I put the ball in his court, was very clear about my expectations. And, I haven’t heard from him since.  So, I’ve got that going for me. L I know I did the right thing.  I have to take care of me & Shelby.  I want her to know that expecting respect, kindness, love, compassion is okay and actually a good thing!  Unfortunately, we both loved him & his family.  So, no matter how right my decision to let him go was.  We are sad. I bet you think that our court saga would be over by now… WELL IT ISN’T! Tomorrow ...