Wishing I felt stronger.
It is almost 1am on Tuesday. I am exhausted. I am nauseous. I am scared. I don't know why, but this is more than my usual pre-checkup anxiety. Maybe it's all snowballed into the last 24 hours instead of a little each day for 7-10 days prior. Who knows. All I know is I feel like I'm going to puke. My head is pounding. I don't want to go to the doctor tomorrow and I'm scared that he's going to tell me the cancer is back. No, I have no reason to think it's back. But, 3 1/2 years ago, I went in for hernia surgery and woke up hearing them talk about "the mass" and two days later I was told that I had an extremely rare form of cancer. This year has been hell. I'm just worn out. I have wonderful friends, but they have got lives of their own. My family, well, I can't depend on them or go to them with my fears or worries. I've had to carry all of this for so long, I just want a break. A break from drama. A break from cancer and the worry tha