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Are you tired? I am SO tired!

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On May 18, 2018 Vivienne was born.  You may have guessed that she's my granddaughter.   I have been raising her since birth. The hope was that her mom would get her shit together and it just hasn't happened yet.  She is 2 and sassy as ever! Don't let that cute face fool you!  She is just like her mommy & Lovey (that's me) - reels you in with her charms, then turns on you!   Um, raising a baby again, almost 50 - DON'T DO IT!  I love her more than anything, but WOOOHEEE, it's a lot of work! I took FMLA and 3 weeks after I returned to work, I was let go.  17 years gone in a minute.  Suffice it to say, 2018 SUCKED ASS! 2019 wasn't much better, actually I'd probably say it was even worse with the job situation, raising a baby, trying to hold on to some of my sanity. I have realized that I really would like to have someone in my life.  Someone to lean on.  Someone to tap out to.  Someone to TALK TO and LISTEN TO.  Someone to love and who will love me. I ha
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So THIS happened!

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05/18/18 Vivienne Elizabeth Joyce O'Keefe I'm exhausted!   Update to come soon!
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Where the hell have you been????

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Hello, it's me I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet To go over everything They say that time's supposed to heal ya But I ain't done much healing ~Adele So, it’s been 2 ½ years since my last post.  It has been terribly rough, confusing, overwhelming time with constant worry and anxiety.  Nice thing to say first post in so long, huh? I think it’s going to be easiest to go through the years (probably not in perfect chronological order)… 2013 Bill never came back and my heart still hurts.  Clearly I was not “the one” for him.  He started dating someone just a few months after I had asked him to look within to find what he wanted.  He’s married now.   My heart is still in pieces. Things have always been a little chaotic in our little family, but this is when things started getting crazy. Shelby had her appendix removed in September & Knee surgery in November 2014 I dated someone for a short while, totally not my ty
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Ahhhhh, I'm feeling better, a little bit every day :)

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Long Road to find my way... I'm climbing back up!!! Take me as I am... There's a reason for everything... I can only be me!  You can't take that from me!!!! I'm the one you really want, but you just can't see it.. . I can stand on my own, I'm magnificent! I see the tiny light!!!! Hold on tight! Be Brave!!! You can be amazing... You can start speaking up! Reminder, it's his loss! Here's an extra, just because I love it! I'm taking things one day at a time.  Sometimes, one minute at a time, but I'm making progress.  Thank you, my friends, for being there/here with me. I love you so much!!!
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Feelings and feeling them... ugh.

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This has been the soundtrack of the my last two weeks. You’ve moved on… Never mind I’ll find someone like you… Don't you remember? Have you even thought of me/us at all? Please, higher power, whoever you are, take this away!  Especially today… Not liking this visitor, not at all… I’m feeling the feelings.   I’d like them to move on, so I can. Love & blessings my friends!
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Women grieve, men replace...

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Have you heard that saying before?  I hadn't until today... I was still hoping that he was taking time to take care of him so WE could be a WE.   Then, my curiosity got the best of me.  I wanted to see pictures of the babies born into the family, how big the kids had grown and there it was... a picture of him and another woman.  It's not new.  He moved on months ago, like last year months ago, and he didn't even say a word.  How is it that I loved him so much I let him go to work on himself and he couldn't even say "thanks but no thanks"? I'm not expecting answers.  I know logically I can't even hope for any.  I have spent the last year hoping  my Bill blanket would appear at my door and say "I'm back! I worked on my shit, I still have work to do, but let's do the rest together!"  HOLY SHIT!  Am I that fucking crazy!   O M G!!!! I have had crazy wonderful support.  My friends, even when I know they want to smack me
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It's been a while.   I'm having a hard time, missing people I shouldn't  miss, feeling lonely. Trying to take better care of myself and my Shelby G. Saw this on my walk today. A heart in a tree :) It gave me a little peace and a bit of hope. Going to keep taking care of me, Shelby & the pooches and live my life... Peace, love & blessings my friends! I love you!
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