Um, can I get a re-write???

Today I got a letter from one of my many aunts/uncles. I haven't seen this person in at least 10 years (Shelby was an infant I believe). I'm sure the letter was written with good intentions. Okay, I hope it was. Unfortunately, the letter labeled me a very angry person and accused me of holding onto the past. Okay, it's been 10+ years, but you're sure I'm angry, huh? How did you come up with judgment? Perhaps it's an assumption. And you know what happens when you ASSUME... My friend Fred calls me a "Truth Teller". Fred knew me back when stuff was REALLY bad, when I was a teenager. When horrible things were happening to me. All my life, it has been extremely important to me to tell the truth, honesty is a must! In my 20s I probably spent more time trying to prove myself more than anything. I'm sure I repeated myself more than necessary. Probably louder than necessary too. But one thing is for sure, I was telling the truth. I think that perhaps, som...

Most of you know that Shelby's father is not a very good person. For those of you who don't know, I will try to recap the last three years (as briefly as possible). I plan to go in depth some other time, when I feel like digging, but not today! In March 2006, Dana (aka sperm donor/SD) was at my house and we had an argument. He's never respected that my house is MINE and he can't just hang out or spend hours there for the hell of it. I think the argument was about Shelby's messy room and of course it was my fault. We went outside and still arguing, he was sitting in his car and I was in between the door & his front seat. He grabbed me by the throat and squeezed, and squeezed, and squeezed until I peed all over myself. As I struggled to catch my breath, he sped off. Shelby didn't see him do that, but she saw the aftermath and called her Grandma (his mother) who came over and spent probably 30-45 minutes telling me that she was sure I provoked it and that I sho...

Of course, I forgot two very special people yesterday!!!! Ugh! I spend all that time last night talking about my fantastic friends and I leave two very important people off the list! Karen is my AMAZINGLY BRILLIANT friend who lives in a far away land called Switzerland! Some say she is the British/Swiss version of me (more Brit than Swiss so they tell me). I take that as a compliment! The first time she came to visit me, she stayed an extra day just to go to my tests with me – it was just six months after my radical resection of my tumor bed aka Big Ass Surgery! Yes, that’s what someone wants to do on their vacation… go and sit in a waiting room for a couple of hours, while your incredibly stressed out friend gets poked, prodded and MRI’d to death. Okay, that was a slight exaggeration, since I’m still here. The last time Karen came to visit, she babysat Shelby while I worked one day. She took me out for a belated 40th birthday celebration and slept in Shelby’s lovely pink & gree...

Throughout my 40 years (almost 41), I have had many friends. Some fair weathered; they came and went. Some I believe were put in my life for a reason, and then they were gone when their “job” was done. Others, they have touched my life in a way that I will never be able to forget them or the impact they’ve had on my heart. I’m going to go in alphabetic order, just because it’s easier! Crystina is a wonderful friend. I was her replacement at Siemens almost 8 years ago. She uses the English language in a way that I have never heard before. My favorite is “he is a goat fucker!” She was talking about someone I had dated, of course. At first glance, she’s this cute, olive skinned, bubbly Peruvian lovely. But, when you get to know her, damn, she’s smart too! She has gone to Chicago with me for my checkups. She has put up with me when I am in “rare” form and pretty intolerable. She has included me in her life, as if I were family. She has, on occasion, threatened to steal my child. Thankfull...

Hi Everyone! The last week has been very “eventful”! Last Thursday, we finally went for haircuts (about 6 weeks late!) As Shelby says, I switched to summer colors (blonde highlights) and had a few inches taken off the length. Now Shelby, my daring daughter, got a LOT of hair cut off! Of course, she'd look gorgeous bald! Take a look! Some of you are already aware of the "lake" in my front yard. It's not supposed to be there. I am having a major drainage issue and no one seems to care or want to help me (Village of Wonder Lake or McHenry County Environmental Health Dept.) The only "cool" thing about our lake is that we have Mallard Ducks who come to "fish" in our yard. Well, they had babies. There are only three (my guess is that the neighborhood kids were messing around with the nest - because they do stuff like that - brats!) Shelby sees them and yells "MOM, THE BABY DUCKS ARE HERE!!!!!” Of course, the mother immediately gathers her babies ...

Lately, I have been feeling quite insignificant. I'm worn out. Tired of the crap happening... - I have had standing water in my front yard for over three months. I’ve made calls, begged for help and hit brick walls. The village President even had the balls to tell me “this is your fault”. Okay, it’s my fault that many, many years ago – when the road was paved – a culvert was installed under the road to send overflow water directly INTO MY FREAKING YARD? I don’t think so! I’ve been told I can not interfere with the natural flow of the water. Now that’s just bullshit! - My sister, who I love more than she will ever know, has chosen to not have a relationship with me or my child (her god child). Logically, I know this is her shit not mine. But, in my heart, it hurts. - I have two brothers. I’m old enough to be their mom, so it’s a little weird, I know. But I don’t really have any kind of relationship with either of them. My sister has a fantastic relationship with them. Okay, that’s m...

I'm going to have to learn how to design web pages and stuff because I just can't find the "perfect" template for my blog. This one is pretty, eh? It reminds me of all the nature pics I take. This week has just been weird, so far. That's the only way I can describe it. This year, okay, two years... no, three have really been "challenging", so I suppose weird isn't that bad. I'll just share a few pics tonight. Hope you enjoy them. xo & goodnight friends :) mb

I think this year just might be the year for me to realize that I don't have to fight all the time... Well, DUH, Mary Beth, who the hell wants to fight all the time?! Rewind! The short version is: I spent a majority of my life (at least the first 25-30 years) fighting for my life. It sounds so dramatic, but that's exactly what I did. I'm sure as I get more into this blogging thing, I will elaborate. Hopefully, you can trust me... for now. Now that I'm 40, a "grown up" (that's what they tell me), I am realizing that I do NOT have to justify my every action, choice, opinion I have. I am ME! For you "normal" folks, that's probably a given. But for me, not so much. I think my next post will be a compilation of phrases heard throughout my childhood and early adulthood (and even into my 30s). Maybe that will put things into perspective. So, what the hell is refreshing about that, MB? Okay, so I have a therapist. SHOCKER! I wasn't seeing her for...