Life is NOT a "solo mission"
A while back, I mentioned a letter telling me that life was a "solo mission". Obviously it struck a cord, because it's still playing in my head all this time later.
I started going to church a couple of months ago at The Chapel in Grayslake, IL. I started in the middle of their "Kings" series and despite not attending services for the whole series, I really enjoyed the message!
The new series is "Lost in Suburbia" and the theme song is "Little Boxes" which cracks me up because that's the theme song for this very cool (and very un-christian) show called "Weeds" which is about a woman who turns to selling pot to afford to stay in the community after her husband dies. Every time I hear the song play at the beginning of the service, I chuckle!
Back to "Lost in Suburbia". Last night's message was about how no one is that good to go life alone. I wish they had the message posted online, but it's not there yet. Ugh! Edit - it's there now, so here it is, the message about community. It was wonderful. Throughout my life, I fought every single battle on my own. Why? Because that's all I know. I didn't have anyone that I could count on. I've got some major scars on my psyche from the physical and emotional abuse I endured. After begging for help and getting nothing, I just stopped asking. Last night's message was wonderful and exactly what I needed to hear. It hit me deep in my heart! It was about community and how we need community to grow and thrive. Like Scott (Chapman, the pastor) said "No one is that good! More power to ya, if you think you can do this alone, but no one is that good!" Okay, that may be paraphrasing, but that was the message.
Life is not a solo mission. Life is about community! It is about surrounding yourself with people who love you unconditionally. No, you don't have to be a "bible thumper" or only hang out with Christians or people who "believe" (I don't think I'm there yet anyway). But community is good. Not the "hey how ya doing" community. The relationships where you feel comfortable sharing how you really feel and not just respond "I'm doing just great!" because you know they don't really want to hear what's really going on. I have learned that my friends, my wonderful friends, will listen and do want to know how I'm doing. They'll also tell me when I'm whining too much, or that I'm making a mistake.
One funny thing that Scott said was he wasn't talking about "truth tellers" who are always willing to tell you what's wrong with you... Hmmmmm, Fred calls me a "truth teller". I am hoping that he means it in a kinder, gentler way. Like I tell the truth about everything (not just the bad stuff)... That kinda made me laugh that uncomfortable, uh oh is that what Fred means, laugh.
I know I don't need others to validate me. But, hearing last night's message, made me feel so much better and it did validate my feelings about needing others in my life. I feel sad that the person who wrote to me and told me that life is a solo mission really felt that it was okay to tell me that. As if that person was an expert on life (my life as a matter of fact) and doing everything alone. I know for a fact that this person is very close to several siblings and speaks on the phone with them daily if not multiple times a day. So, how could that person say life be a "solo mission"? While this person seemed to be projecting their feelings onto me, it still was very sad and hurtful. What good comes out of telling someone that they must go through life alone? It's not the first time I've heard it. My own sister (who I love so very much) has told me several times in several ways that I don't deserve anyone, I deserve to be alone, etc. etc. Yeah, that felt really good!
Over the next few months, I'm going to try harder to broaden my horizons and my "community". After my surgery, I'm going to accept help from anyone who offers! I'm also going to try to join a "small group" at church after Shelby's cross-country season is done. It has become very apparent to me that I need community. I need to know that people are there for me and I am there for them. Because of past experiences, I've isolated myself. I do not need to isolate myself any longer. There are people out there who will love me for me.
For that, I am so grateful!
Thanks for listening my friends!
:) xo mb
I started going to church a couple of months ago at The Chapel in Grayslake, IL. I started in the middle of their "Kings" series and despite not attending services for the whole series, I really enjoyed the message!
The new series is "Lost in Suburbia" and the theme song is "Little Boxes" which cracks me up because that's the theme song for this very cool (and very un-christian) show called "Weeds" which is about a woman who turns to selling pot to afford to stay in the community after her husband dies. Every time I hear the song play at the beginning of the service, I chuckle!
Back to "Lost in Suburbia". Last night's message was about how no one is that good to go life alone. I wish they had the message posted online, but it's not there yet. Ugh! Edit - it's there now, so here it is, the message about community. It was wonderful. Throughout my life, I fought every single battle on my own. Why? Because that's all I know. I didn't have anyone that I could count on. I've got some major scars on my psyche from the physical and emotional abuse I endured. After begging for help and getting nothing, I just stopped asking. Last night's message was wonderful and exactly what I needed to hear. It hit me deep in my heart! It was about community and how we need community to grow and thrive. Like Scott (Chapman, the pastor) said "No one is that good! More power to ya, if you think you can do this alone, but no one is that good!" Okay, that may be paraphrasing, but that was the message.
Life is not a solo mission. Life is about community! It is about surrounding yourself with people who love you unconditionally. No, you don't have to be a "bible thumper" or only hang out with Christians or people who "believe" (I don't think I'm there yet anyway). But community is good. Not the "hey how ya doing" community. The relationships where you feel comfortable sharing how you really feel and not just respond "I'm doing just great!" because you know they don't really want to hear what's really going on. I have learned that my friends, my wonderful friends, will listen and do want to know how I'm doing. They'll also tell me when I'm whining too much, or that I'm making a mistake.
One funny thing that Scott said was he wasn't talking about "truth tellers" who are always willing to tell you what's wrong with you... Hmmmmm, Fred calls me a "truth teller". I am hoping that he means it in a kinder, gentler way. Like I tell the truth about everything (not just the bad stuff)... That kinda made me laugh that uncomfortable, uh oh is that what Fred means, laugh.
I know I don't need others to validate me. But, hearing last night's message, made me feel so much better and it did validate my feelings about needing others in my life. I feel sad that the person who wrote to me and told me that life is a solo mission really felt that it was okay to tell me that. As if that person was an expert on life (my life as a matter of fact) and doing everything alone. I know for a fact that this person is very close to several siblings and speaks on the phone with them daily if not multiple times a day. So, how could that person say life be a "solo mission"? While this person seemed to be projecting their feelings onto me, it still was very sad and hurtful. What good comes out of telling someone that they must go through life alone? It's not the first time I've heard it. My own sister (who I love so very much) has told me several times in several ways that I don't deserve anyone, I deserve to be alone, etc. etc. Yeah, that felt really good!
Over the next few months, I'm going to try harder to broaden my horizons and my "community". After my surgery, I'm going to accept help from anyone who offers! I'm also going to try to join a "small group" at church after Shelby's cross-country season is done. It has become very apparent to me that I need community. I need to know that people are there for me and I am there for them. Because of past experiences, I've isolated myself. I do not need to isolate myself any longer. There are people out there who will love me for me.
For that, I am so grateful!
Thanks for listening my friends!
:) xo mb
It is always quicker to point out the "wrongs" in telling the truth. You have never done that exclusively. I remember that you would be quick to get people to understand the truth of a situation to prevent immediate damage to even people that you did care for very much.
ReplyDeleteI remember Teresa Waters (an especially damaged young woman from out past) would begin to get into a fight and you would get her to stop because you would be fast to point out the damage that was happening to the victim and her as well. You were always very very good at that to the point of your own peril. Good thing you had me close when the shit would go down.
In my presence you were very good at pointing out the truth of my situation. Again, not the wrongs, just the truth. Many of the women that I have in my life are truth tellers. Megan, Inga, Lara, you... Etc. Etc are truth tellers. Both good and bad truths.
I am going to start reading and following your blog if that is ok with you. Reading your response to my Freddiebear's post asking for help and this post in particular tell me we have much in common. The more times we can say the message of life as a communal experience, the better.
ReplyDeleteLiposarcoma sounds absolutely terrifying. As one who used to keep an extra 250lbs of the Lipo part of that word. . .I would have to say it ranks as a worst nightmare of mine (which is pretty impressive for an imagination like mine).
Hugs and healing wishes.
~Lara
Lara - I hope you enjoy reading! I'm a talker, so watch out!
ReplyDeleteI knew Fred before he was all mature & stuff! Really... Okay, has he matured yet????
Can't wait to hear more from you!
:) mb