Um, can I get a re-write???

Random thoughts running through my mind over, and over, and over… Stop the madness! How the heck do I do this, alone, and not give up? I’m really tired Will I ever have someone who wants to hold my hand through all the good and bad stuff?  No, not my kid, a partner, a companion, a lover, a best friend all in one. I have MAJOR body issues.  Even after the gastric bypass surgery. Why is the state of Illinois so fucked up with regard to family law, and oh DUI laws?  Why does sd & his mother hurt my sweet girl every chance they get?  Do they not understand that she is 15 and SEES this?  Fucking assholes. How can any parent do absolutely nothing to support a child (financially, emotionally or otherwise) and look in the mirror every day? Does my kid realize how much I love her? Okay, I guess I know the answer to this one… Still on bad days, I worry. Why do liars and cheaters seem to get away with so much and all the time?...

Wow, it’s been a long time!  So, let’s see, things were good, for a bit then a disappearing act, then good, then more silence, then good and planning to move in together, then I realized no matter how much I gave and gave, he was never going to give me what I deserved.  I packed up all of his and his daughter’s things that they left at our house into one bag and wrote a long letter saying goodbye to my Bill blanket.  I put the ball in his court, was very clear about my expectations. And, I haven’t heard from him since.  So, I’ve got that going for me. L I know I did the right thing.  I have to take care of me & Shelby.  I want her to know that expecting respect, kindness, love, compassion is okay and actually a good thing!  Unfortunately, we both loved him & his family.  So, no matter how right my decision to let him go was.  We are sad. I bet you think that our court saga would be over by now… WELL IT ISN’T! Tomorrow ...

Throughout my 40 years (almost 41), I have had many friends. Some fair weathered; they came and went. Some I believe were put in my life for a reason, and then they were gone when their “job” was done. Others, they have touched my life in a way that I will never be able to forget them or the impact they’ve had on my heart. I’m going to go in alphabetic order, just because it’s easier! Crystina is a wonderful friend. I was her replacement at Siemens almost 8 years ago. She uses the English language in a way that I have never heard before. My favorite is “he is a goat fucker!” She was talking about someone I had dated, of course. At first glance, she’s this cute, olive skinned, bubbly Peruvian lovely. But, when you get to know her, damn, she’s smart too! She has gone to Chicago with me for my checkups. She has put up with me when I am in “rare” form and pretty intolerable. She has included me in her life, as if I were family. She has, on occasion, threatened to steal my child. Thankfull...