Um, can I get a re-write???

Have you heard that saying before?  I hadn't until today... I was still hoping that he was taking time to take care of him so WE could be a WE.   Then, my curiosity got the best of me.  I wanted to see pictures of the babies born into the family, how big the kids had grown and there it was... a picture of him and another woman.  It's not new.  He moved on months ago, like last year months ago, and he didn't even say a word.  How is it that I loved him so much I let him go to work on himself and he couldn't even say "thanks but no thanks"? I'm not expecting answers.  I know logically I can't even hope for any.  I have spent the last year hoping  my Bill blanket would appear at my door and say "I'm back! I worked on my shit, I still have work to do, but let's do the rest together!"  HOLY SHIT!  Am I that fucking crazy!   O M G!!!! I have had crazy wonderful support.  My friends, even when I know they...

It's been a while.   I'm having a hard time, missing people I shouldn't  miss, feeling lonely. Trying to take better care of myself and my Shelby G. Saw this on my walk today. A heart in a tree :) It gave me a little peace and a bit of hope. Going to keep taking care of me, Shelby & the pooches and live my life... Peace, love & blessings my friends! I love you!

Disclaimer: This post is not directed toward a specific person or persons. This is just shit that plays in my obsessive thinking pea brain and I’m hoping writing it down will alleviate some of the pressure and make room for more rainbows & unicorns! Random thoughts that have been running through my mind lately: When someone says “What a fucking shit day” – it isn’t always a cry for help or counseling or pity . Sometimes it’s just because it’s been a fucking shit day! Never assume that everyone grew up in the same loving or unloving, healthy or unhealthy, supportive or unsupportive environment as you .  I know this may sound silly. Okay, it probably does!  Some days I want to punch people in the face (not really, but I do get frustrated) when they pull the “your child will appreciate you when she is older, like you do your parents” advice.  Really? This is going to sound really crass, but I’m going to say it.  I was told repeatedly for as long as I ...

Make You Feel My Love Written by Bob Dylan Covered by Adele When the rain Is blowing in your face And the whole world Is on your case I could offer you A warm embrace To make you feel my love When the evening shadows And the stars appear And there is no one there To dry your tears I could hold you For a million years To make you feel my love I know you Haven't made Your mind up yet But I would never Do you wrong I've known it From the moment That we met No doubt in my mind Where you belong I'd go hungry I'd go black and blue I'd go crawling Down the avenue Know there's nothing That I wouldn't do To make you feel my love The storms are raging On the rolling sea And on the highway of regret The winds of change Are blowing wild and free You ain't seen nothing Like me yet I could make you happy Make your dreams come true Nothing that I wouldn't do Go to the ends Of the Earth for you To make you feel my...

Hi! How are you?  I'm good, thank you. :) So, this week someone told me it was the week to ask the universe to help me manifest my dreams.  So that's what I'm gonna do along with a LOT of gratitude!!! First, gratitude (in no particular order, of course): Shelby Bill (yes we are together and I can't imagine it any other way!!) My awesome friends who support & love me & lift me up when I'm not able My job, even on the bad days Xopenex, Prednisone and Zithromax (for Shelby's "walking pneumonia") - ay yi yi!!! Patience Love Music Second chances Facebook (especially when I'm in a court ordered parenting class that is about people going through a divorce... uh, not divorced, never been married... blah blah blah - my friends helped me get through it!) Hair color Laughter Autumn Nature Indoor plumbing Good health Smiles Our sassy pooches Now, my dreams (again, in no particular order): That I am able to show those I lov...

I’ve been speechless… No really. There has been so much going on, that I can barely think. Court with sd (for those not in the know that stands for sperm donor) is almost unbearable. I got a bill from my attorney that almost caused me to have a stroke. I promised Shelby I would follow through so I am. This is about her, not me. That’s all I’m going to say about that for now. Work is busy. I am grateful for my job and the fact that I’ve got more than enough work to do, so I am working overtime. Another reason that I can barely think, I’m working a lot. Dating. Hah! With all the shit going on in my life, what man would want to deal with me? I didn’t date for years because I was so afraid of sd, and now I’m feeling more empowered and he’s still making my life miserable because he’s trying to drain me emotionally, financially, mentally, in any way possible. He is not thinking about Shelby, but “beating” me. Of course, he’s not paying for the attorney, his mother is. Wait, I said I wasn’...

I turn 43 in 3 months and my blog says I'm 41.  I'm gonna wait, then ask Traci for a new whatever it's called with the correct age.  Shelby and I are having an okay summer.  She is actually spending time with my mom twice a week.  Last week & this week, her time over there was Monday - Thursday because she took sailing lessons and is taking more swimming lessons.  She wants to start taking lifeguard classes next summer.  Pretty cool :) I started dating someone.  He's going through a divorce.  It's weird.  I am still raw from my getting my heart broken earlier this year.  I honestly don't know if either of us is ready for a relationship.  There's a disconnect there.  I don't know why.  Maybe we're still two lost souls.  Only time will tell.  Let's see.  Work is crazy busy.  I feel like I am always working.  I love my job.  I love the overtime pay.  I paid off my last credit card - ...

It sure is AND I am officially the mother of a teenager now!  YIKES!!!!! There is reall nothing to talk about... No really, not much.  So, I'll share some gratitude with you! FIVE EFFING YEARS CANCER FREE BABY!!!! Shelby Wilbur Coco My amazing friends (I love you SO very much!) Sunshine (I miss you so!) Generic Zyrtec! My job (and fantastic boss who knows nothing about this blog) Surviving over a month in the same house as a teenage girl Being able to keep on going! Speaking of going... I have dipped my toe back into the dating waters. No date(s) yet, but thinking about it. Okay, there is one thing that I would LOVE to talk (brag) about, but I can't.  All I can say is that my kid is the AWESOMEST kid and friend ever!  I'm  hoping that I will be able to elaborate sometime in the future.  But, until then, I am so proud that my daughter is BRAVE and stood up for others who couldn't stand up for themselves.  My kid's got cajones!  woot...

Sooooo, yeah, it’s been 3 months. Uh huh… No excuses. I mean, not even “I’m having a great time” excuses! Grrrrrr!  I am probably going to post a couple of times this week. Or at least I’m planning on it. So prepare yourselves (if there is more than one person reading this blog, that is!)  I’m down 81 pounds – WOOT WOOT!!!! I feel great! No sluggishness, I’m in a size 6-8 pants/skirts and a 12-ish on top (I’m down to a 36DD – it’s a feat if you knew me before!) I think I have a shopping problem… But then again, I need to buy new clothes; the size 20 pants & 2X-3X shirts won’t fit no matter how much cinching is going on!! LOL :) I am NOT complaining! I am enjoying looking good. So yeah, the puppy is still here. The big dog, still here. The kid, still here. Me, still here. Besides that, not much else… Oh except for the whole kid in hospital part… So, my lovely, wonderful, tween. I adore her! I can’t imagine life without her. Sometimes, I do ponder strangling her! She’s had as...

Hi Everyone! So, it’s been a while since I posted. How have you been? First, here are the links to my latest vlog posts: Part 1  & Part 2 Something very “exciting” just happened in my kitchen. Shelby announced that she was going to make herself some eggs for dinner. The rule is she can’t use the stove or oven when I’m not home. I’m home. Everything is cool. Not so much! I hear this loud WHOOSH and turn around in time to see flames shooting out from under the pan. How did that happen? Well, Shelby thinks it’s perfectly okay to spray the non-stick spray WITH THE FRICKING BURNER ON! Yes, I freaked out! I can’t believe she did that! I mean, holy cow! Needless to say, I yelled and told her how dangerous what she did was and told her how she could’ve really gotten severely hurt. Of course, her reaction was “I’m never speaking to you again!” Yep, I’ve got a pre-teen! Lovely, huh? Let’s see, on the weight loss front – I am 16 ½ weeks post-op and am down 66.6 pounds! Pretty dar...

This afternoon I got a hysterical call from Shelby.  She was in my mom's car & they were in an accident!  Supermom MB kicked into gear and got there as fast as I could.  Everyone is fine, the car, not so much! A friend on Facebook posted a "Glad List" on her page today.  It reminded me that I have so much to be grateful for, including: Shelby Grace - I love her so much! Shelby & my mom were uninjured My most excellent friends (Traci is super-cool) ;o) My awesome job Kindness I'm down 58.8 pounds (as of 10:44 tonight!) Things really are looking up! Taking a fun hike yesterday with Shelby & Wilbur Trying new things The swamp is coming to life - the frogs are singing their songs! Indoor plumbing Laughter Smiles I'm going to close with a few of the pictures I took on our hike yesterday.     Love and blessings to you all!!