Um, can I get a re-write???

Wow, it’s been a long time!  So, let’s see, things were good, for a bit then a disappearing act, then good, then more silence, then good and planning to move in together, then I realized no matter how much I gave and gave, he was never going to give me what I deserved.  I packed up all of his and his daughter’s things that they left at our house into one bag and wrote a long letter saying goodbye to my Bill blanket.  I put the ball in his court, was very clear about my expectations. And, I haven’t heard from him since.  So, I’ve got that going for me. L I know I did the right thing.  I have to take care of me & Shelby.  I want her to know that expecting respect, kindness, love, compassion is okay and actually a good thing!  Unfortunately, we both loved him & his family.  So, no matter how right my decision to let him go was.  We are sad. I bet you think that our court saga would be over by now… WELL IT ISN’T! Tomorrow ...

I turn 43 in 3 months and my blog says I'm 41.  I'm gonna wait, then ask Traci for a new whatever it's called with the correct age.  Shelby and I are having an okay summer.  She is actually spending time with my mom twice a week.  Last week & this week, her time over there was Monday - Thursday because she took sailing lessons and is taking more swimming lessons.  She wants to start taking lifeguard classes next summer.  Pretty cool :) I started dating someone.  He's going through a divorce.  It's weird.  I am still raw from my getting my heart broken earlier this year.  I honestly don't know if either of us is ready for a relationship.  There's a disconnect there.  I don't know why.  Maybe we're still two lost souls.  Only time will tell.  Let's see.  Work is crazy busy.  I feel like I am always working.  I love my job.  I love the overtime pay.  I paid off my last credit card - ...

Okay, I’ve been in denial lately… I’ve lost 47 pounds since my surgery on 12/29/09 – Yay! I should be super happy, thrilled with the amazing progress I’ve made, right? Yeah, I’m not.  Not that I’m not happy or thrilled about losing close to 50 pounds in 9 weeks. It’s that I’m just not happy. Rewind… It’s been 11 months since I officially started my WLS (weight loss surgery) journey. Very soon after I started my “medically managed weight loss program” required by my insurance, a friend started telling me about his experience. Pretty much right away he started talking about the shortcuts or workarounds of eating. I started wondering how healthy he really was. Then, his posts on my blog were very strange. Like, I didn’t understand a few of them. Then, he would tell me the same story over and over. I realized he was drinking heavily. So, despite losing 200 pounds after having gastric bypass surgery, this guy was drinking to excess. FYI – drinking alcohol is the number one thing to avoi...

Most of you know that Shelby's father is not a very good person. For those of you who don't know, I will try to recap the last three years (as briefly as possible). I plan to go in depth some other time, when I feel like digging, but not today! In March 2006, Dana (aka sperm donor/SD) was at my house and we had an argument. He's never respected that my house is MINE and he can't just hang out or spend hours there for the hell of it. I think the argument was about Shelby's messy room and of course it was my fault. We went outside and still arguing, he was sitting in his car and I was in between the door & his front seat. He grabbed me by the throat and squeezed, and squeezed, and squeezed until I peed all over myself. As I struggled to catch my breath, he sped off. Shelby didn't see him do that, but she saw the aftermath and called her Grandma (his mother) who came over and spent probably 30-45 minutes telling me that she was sure I provoked it and that I sho...

I think this year just might be the year for me to realize that I don't have to fight all the time... Well, DUH, Mary Beth, who the hell wants to fight all the time?! Rewind! The short version is: I spent a majority of my life (at least the first 25-30 years) fighting for my life. It sounds so dramatic, but that's exactly what I did. I'm sure as I get more into this blogging thing, I will elaborate. Hopefully, you can trust me... for now. Now that I'm 40, a "grown up" (that's what they tell me), I am realizing that I do NOT have to justify my every action, choice, opinion I have. I am ME! For you "normal" folks, that's probably a given. But for me, not so much. I think my next post will be a compilation of phrases heard throughout my childhood and early adulthood (and even into my 30s). Maybe that will put things into perspective. So, what the hell is refreshing about that, MB? Okay, so I have a therapist. SHOCKER! I wasn't seeing her for...