Refreshing!

I think this year just might be the year for me to realize that I don't have to fight all the time...
Well, DUH, Mary Beth, who the hell wants to fight all the time?!

Rewind! The short version is: I spent a majority of my life (at least the first 25-30 years) fighting for my life. It sounds so dramatic, but that's exactly what I did. I'm sure as I get more into this blogging thing, I will elaborate. Hopefully, you can trust me... for now.

Now that I'm 40, a "grown up" (that's what they tell me), I am realizing that I do NOT have to justify my every action, choice, opinion I have. I am ME! For you "normal" folks, that's probably a given. But for me, not so much. I think my next post will be a compilation of phrases heard throughout my childhood and early adulthood (and even into my 30s). Maybe that will put things into perspective.

So, what the hell is refreshing about that, MB? Okay, so I have a therapist. SHOCKER! I wasn't seeing her for a while because things were pretty stable and our time together was BORING... But lately, things have really sucked. So, I'm back to seeing her again and it is just what I needed!

Again, refreshing... Tangents, always tangents! Here's the deal. When it comes to me, I'm going to tell you how I feel. It may not be pretty. It may not be what you want to hear. But my candor has been categorized as REFRESHING (See? I finally got there!)

Here I go justifying (again): I say what is in my heart. I do not strike out to hurt... okay, I try not to! If I see someone doing something wrong (i.e. child abuse, domestic violence, a teen driving like a complete ass, a bunch of teenage lifeguards swearing around a pool full of children) - you bet your bippy I'm gonna say something! I'm the one who stands up for the bullied child. Perhaps because I was bullied in grade school & junior high. I may have a teensy bit more passion for certain things because of my life experience...

Now, if you ask my friend Fred, he'll tell you that's how I've been since I was a teenager. He's right. At that time, I was fighting for my life. I was just struggling to get out alive. So, I acted "tough". I don't want to be fighting for my life anymore. I want to be ME and not worry about what everyone else will think.

So, my goal is to continue to be refreshing but at a lower decibel level. Perhaps take a breath, or ten, and then respond. Hmmmmmm, this blog just might provide me some additional therapy... Hopefully my head won't get too shrunk!

Did that make any sense? I hope so! You should've seen the stuff I erased!

Goodnight my friends!
:) mb

Comments

  1. I learned long ago to never ask you your opinion unless I was expecting nothing but the honest truth. That is the bulk of your existence. You are a truth teller. Therefore you will haul anyone on the carpet who is not living a genuine life at that moment. It is the way it has always been. It is what it will be forever.

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