Um, can I get a re-write???

This is going to be quick, but I thought I'd let it out.  I was right.  I should've trusted my gut from the beginning.  Never date someone who is in the process of a divorce.  Even if there has been a long separation. Until those papers are signed by a judge, it's not really over... and still not after that for a while.  What a dumbass I am.  Okay, not really a big dumbass (a small dumbass? I do have a tiny tush).  I enjoyed the attention, but knew, in the back of my mind that it wasn't quite right.  He was getting attention he hadn't gotten in a long time.  And, I'm kinda cute.  And, I'm pretty darned nice too.  So, can I blame him? Nope.  Am I mad?  Nope.  Am I disappointed?  A little in myself. Because had I trusted my gut, I would never have gone out with him in the first place.  It was nice to reconnect with someone I knew (vaguely) from years ago.  It was nice to go out to dinner and text and all...

I turn 43 in 3 months and my blog says I'm 41.  I'm gonna wait, then ask Traci for a new whatever it's called with the correct age.  Shelby and I are having an okay summer.  She is actually spending time with my mom twice a week.  Last week & this week, her time over there was Monday - Thursday because she took sailing lessons and is taking more swimming lessons.  She wants to start taking lifeguard classes next summer.  Pretty cool :) I started dating someone.  He's going through a divorce.  It's weird.  I am still raw from my getting my heart broken earlier this year.  I honestly don't know if either of us is ready for a relationship.  There's a disconnect there.  I don't know why.  Maybe we're still two lost souls.  Only time will tell.  Let's see.  Work is crazy busy.  I feel like I am always working.  I love my job.  I love the overtime pay.  I paid off my last credit card - ...

It sure is AND I am officially the mother of a teenager now!  YIKES!!!!! There is reall nothing to talk about... No really, not much.  So, I'll share some gratitude with you! FIVE EFFING YEARS CANCER FREE BABY!!!! Shelby Wilbur Coco My amazing friends (I love you SO very much!) Sunshine (I miss you so!) Generic Zyrtec! My job (and fantastic boss who knows nothing about this blog) Surviving over a month in the same house as a teenage girl Being able to keep on going! Speaking of going... I have dipped my toe back into the dating waters. No date(s) yet, but thinking about it. Okay, there is one thing that I would LOVE to talk (brag) about, but I can't.  All I can say is that my kid is the AWESOMEST kid and friend ever!  I'm  hoping that I will be able to elaborate sometime in the future.  But, until then, I am so proud that my daughter is BRAVE and stood up for others who couldn't stand up for themselves.  My kid's got cajones!  woot...

What is  s canxiety?  It's the anxious, nervous, stressed out feeling that creeps up before scan time.  I used to have to go in for a long MRI & chest x-ray every three months, then after three years I graduated to every six months for the last two years.  Tomorrow I am going to Chicago (Northwestern Memorial) for my MRI & chest x-ray.  I get the results on the 12th and if everything goes well, I should be bumped out to ANNUAL check-ups!  I had this idea in my head of how this checkup would be so different because I had someone special in my life who would hold my hand and celebrate with me.  But, he's gone away, right before the big test, and for good as far as I can tell.  I thought I had finally met Mr. Right.  The man of my dreams (okay, he snored loudly and was human), but he was my goofy man, and he made me laugh and feel safe.  This was going to be the year that we would be together and things would...

I am slowly starting to consider to accept that Bill may be gone for good... It's hard.  Really hard.  I know that I am going to get through this.  I've been through worse, way worse.  I know that.  It's just been a LONG time since I ever considered forever with a man, and I really thought I found the one . I'm still not sleeping well.  But I'll get there, I know that. It's Spring Break time for Shelby.  She's going with my mom for a mani-pedi tomorrow (I am so jealous!).  I'm taking Wednesday through Friday off.  My six month scans are this weekend.  Hopefully we'll have nice weather so we (me, Shelby & her friend Allie) can have a good time in Chicago after my loooooong MRI & chest x-ray.  Oh oh oh, if my results show that I'm NED, that makes FIVE YEARS! Then, I'll only have to go once a year... I can handle that.  Much easier than cancer, that's for sure! Okay, I'm going to work on finding things to be grateful...

It's been 24 days since I last saw Bill.  It was at the ER, Shelby was there for a fainting and asthma "episode".  I know it was hard for him to be there because of previous bad things happening in hospitals (his wife passed away at 30 years old).  Okay, so it's been 24 days.  I'm DYING.  No, not literally.  But, my heart is breaking into little tiny pieces.  We had plans.  He had plans with Shelby.  We had plans to combine our families, after fixing up my house & selling it.  I'm guessing those plans are no more.  Or, is this "normal" for a man?  I have NOT had a serious relationship in, oh, probably more than 15 years.  13 because of my fear of the wrath of the sperm donor.  I finaly meet someone special.  I mean, you saw my post.  He read it too.  He looked me in the eyes and told me that I was it for him.  My child loves him.  The dogs love him. He's gone.  He's alive.  At...

Hi :) How are you? I'm doing better than I could've ever imagined!  So good, it's kind of scary, but I'm walking through my fear!! I've met someone special.  I mean VERY special!  His name is Bill.  I'd post a picture of us, but I'll ask his permission first.  Not that I think he'd mind.  He is AMAZING!  Yeah, I know I sound like a school girl.  Too bad.  Deal with it people!  I've always heard people say "you know when you know".  Well, I know !  I know that some of my friends are concerned, because they  love me.  Only time will show them what I already know.  I'm near tears just writing this.  He makes me so happy!  When he's not here, I miss him.  Not a "oh my God, I wonder where he is or what he's doing" miss him, silly people.  A something is missing miss him, as in life is just that much better when he is around miss him.  Shelby & I spent Christmas with his family & i...