My name is Mary Beth. I am an almost 51-year-old Lovey (Grandma). Life has been a fricking roller coaster and I am TIRED!
There are lots of things I would change, re-write, if I could... Others, I would never change!
January 12, 2010
Get link
Facebook
X
Pinterest
Email
Other Apps
I got a surgery date! January 12, 2010 at 11:30am!
WARNING ! THIS POST CONTAINS IMAGES SOME MAY FIND OFFENSIVE !!! This is me, approximately 2 weeks before I had Shelby. I was tired, but looked pretty good for being 38 weeks pregnant! Look at my arms & legs, no fat! Shelby was born weighing 9 pounds 10 ounces and 22 1/4" long! Big baby! Please ignore the scrunchy, my hair was really, really long! This is me & Shelby. This afternoon. I weigh approximately 30 pounds more than I did the day I had Shelby! I am not at my heaviest (I've lost approximately 6 pounds recently), but I am DONE being fat! I hate it. I'm ashamed! I can't walk up a flight of stairs without being winded. I have sleep apnea. My asthma is quite bad and I'm exhausted all the time. There are so many contributing factors to my weight issues. Abuse as a child and teen, abuse from boyfriends in adulthood... Cancer and the huge surgery to get clear margins. Depression. I haven't gone on a date in forEVER and being heavy gives me a great ex...
I've had enough! I got paid today, but the money is all gone. I had to pay the sitter yesterday ($120) and the mortgage and then gave $211.27 to ComEd to avoid disconnection on Monday. Tomorrow we go to the dentist. Thank goodness I have a debit card for my flexible spending! The dentist is at least an hour away, so we have plans to go to Red Robin and meet Kim, Joe & Sean there. I have money to buy us lunch, but that's it! Then, there's the shoes I have to buy Shelby because she joined Cross Country & it starts on the 24th! My next paycheck is at the end of the month and by then the car payment will be a month behind as well! I don't like saying this, but WHY ME??????? Why is it that the sperm donor can get away with living with his mother at 40, falling behind over $6,000 in support and still have money to freaking drink & smoke his life away? I'm tired of the bad stuff happening. I'm TIRED of people around me, who treat me and my child like shit,...
I am slowly starting to consider to accept that Bill may be gone for good... It's hard. Really hard. I know that I am going to get through this. I've been through worse, way worse. I know that. It's just been a LONG time since I ever considered forever with a man, and I really thought I found the one . I'm still not sleeping well. But I'll get there, I know that. It's Spring Break time for Shelby. She's going with my mom for a mani-pedi tomorrow (I am so jealous!). I'm taking Wednesday through Friday off. My six month scans are this weekend. Hopefully we'll have nice weather so we (me, Shelby & her friend Allie) can have a good time in Chicago after my loooooong MRI & chest x-ray. Oh oh oh, if my results show that I'm NED, that makes FIVE YEARS! Then, I'll only have to go once a year... I can handle that. Much easier than cancer, that's for sure! Okay, I'm going to work on finding things to be grateful...
Are you going to have a LAP or open RNY?
ReplyDeleteMy surgeon does laparoscopic for something like 95% of his patients. I am a prime candidate for laparoscopic gastric bypass. Yay me!
ReplyDelete